"Marriages are made in heaven" thus goes the common saying ! But all things remaining more or less equal, still in India by and large "ARRANGED MARRIAGES" are common ! Mostly people think that marriage is one of the biggest lottery and if every thing goes well in married life then life is made. If things do not turn out as anticipated then life becomes a hell.
In order to avoid these risks, plus in order to have a safety circle (SURAKSHA CHAKRA) people prefer an "ARRANGED MARRIAGE". By arranged marriage what I mean is one in which parents and elders of both sides boy and girl meet, discuss, deliberate and then conclude the alliance. In the eventuality of anything going wrong then both sides can sit and re-discuss and then try to do course correction.
As the Tamil poet Kannadasan penned in one of his Tamil film songs " Getting a good wife is a boon from God !". I do not think anyone can say this anyway better than this. This is equally true for husband too ! As the cart of family is pulled by both male and female equally ... assuming that in the same direction !
There are many aunties, mamies who are specialists in marital net working. Their brain power is much sophisticated than any super computer in terms of storage, retrieval and matching alliances at the speed of light ! They sort, store, retrieve alliances based on Caste, Gothra, Sect, Region, Language, Place of residence, NRI ( Non Resident Indian) , RI ( Resident Indian), Green Card Holder, East Coast , West Coast etc.
Turn to any matrimonial column in leading dailies, weeklies you can see the plethora of advertisements that appear. Over and above that there are websites who specialize exclusively in various language matrimony !
After the initial match making by these aunties / Mamies then there is exchange of horoscopes. While some families swear by this, some families are not keen. After the vetting of horoscope by family astrologer and rating based on number of matching points then we come to the status of Bride Viewing !!
This is a very important stage of any Indian marriage. As this one gives an impression about the status of the bride's family, living condition, close relative circle, life style etc. Generally a date is selected by the prospective bride groom and informed to the bride's side. They are in a state of alert on that day. If the alliance is a local one there are no issues as they can drive down, meet and go. Otherwise the bride's family is expected to arrange for pick up, stay and transport for the family which is going to visit.
In Karnataka the bride is supposed to be taken to the bride groom's place for the initial meeting which is all the more complicated. As the lady will be feeling like fish out of water in an alien environment.
In order to make these things very comfortable now a days both families meet in a common place like a restaurant over a cup of tea or coffee and meet each other. My father used to boast that in his days the boy and girl just met each other on the day of the marriage and everything else was left to the full control of parents.
In early part of 80 s the prospective bride groom and bride got a chance to meet within the house for a few minutes to exchange a few words. During that time too some old lady or small boy / girl used to come and peep in to know what was transpiring.
There are special types of snacks and sweets for this ceremony known as Bazzi & SOZZI in South India (Type of Halwa made with Soozi ).
I knew a Tamil boy from US who used to come every year and view more than half a dozen girls in a span of a week or so moving from one metro to other. After enjoying the prospective bride's family's hospitality would go back to Bombay and contemplate how the girl would look in Jeans, How she would look in Punjabi Dress, How she would look in American Skirt etc. In the end he ended up marrying someone who did not look good any of the dresses !!
After the bride viewing then the the prospective groom's family should make the decision and revert. Now a days both the boy and girl take lead in deciding whether the match should progress further or not. There are cases when the girl chose to turn down the match just before the day of engagement after having undertaken a few dates with the boy !
So nothing is certain and confirmed until the proverbial three knots are tied !!
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