MARRIAGE AS A FUNCTION

It takes two to tango! Of the riskiest gamble, one takes in life is getting married. Marriage can make or mar one’s life! As the joke goes, “People who are inside want to get out of it and people who are outside want to enter into it”! Thus marriage is either way very interesting. 

Gone are the days when parents looked around for prospective boys and girls, uncles and aunties made the match and marriage was held for a week long. After the marriage, celebrations went on for more than a year by way of various festivals and ceremonies. 

In this e-age people marry in haste and regret leisurely! But before marriage takes place there are various steps and stages like chasing,ogling, wooing, dating, proposing, living- together and in the end if all is well marriage function takes place!

In 1982, when I had begun my career I happened to visit a couple who had come to Guntur, a small town in coastal Andhra to meet their son-in-law, who happened to be my friend. We were conversing and the octogenarian asked me whether I was married. I told him not yet and that I was a bit nervous to even think about marriage. He called his wife, who was busy preparing some snacks for us, to come out of the kitchen. 

As she entered into the hall, he gave her a big hug. In traditional South Indian culture, such public display of affection is a big taboo. After the big hug he proclaimed that he was enjoying marital bliss for the past fifty odd years. That event made a lasting impression in my mind. 

When my dad asked me whether I was ready to get married, my prompt reply was a big positive and assertive Yes!

Since then I had attended a lot of marriages, arranged a few marriages and gave away my daughter in marriage! When my daughter’s marriage was getting performed I could understand some of the meanings of the mantras. Over and above that the prohit was very kind to state the meanings for our benefit to enlighten us. I came to know that the Gotra of my daughter was going to change from Bharathwaja (my Gothram) to Sandilya Gothra (my son in law’s Gothram) etc. 

When the Kanyadhan took place my eyes welled with tears, as I was giving away in Dhan one of our most precious possession who had spent close to twenty five years with us and delighted us with achievements big and small. Who was part of our pains and gains! My wife was pouring water over my hand and my eyes were shedding tears on the folded hands! 

When the clock turned a full circle, which is from being a son-in-law to a father-in-law, I did realize the feelings of my own father-in-law and appreciated his points of view, but alas he was not there to share the same!

Now we are in a stage wherein marriage as an institution is being questioned. So called Icons of our society from Politics, Holly wood, Bolly wood are into living in relationship wherein they change their partners as frequently as they change their costumes.

Gone are the days when we attended marriages of people from same religion, caste, community, state, village and towns. Now we may, in course time get invite for same sex marriages! 

With all these enigmatic issues marriage as a function is still great fun. You can end up catching up with old friends, unseen relatives, bride’s maids, well dressed male and female members who try to be in their best mood! Sometime the food is good too; there is best music and decor. Enjoy !!! Make the best use of the time available at hand. 

The marriage season is going to be back! I see a lot of Band…Baja … Barrat as I drive home back every day from my office. The amount of money one spends on invitations, decorations, drama, beauty parlor expense for GROOM and bride I find the whole issues very interesting. 

Needless to mention here on account of social compulsions one attends one or two weddings of not close friends, relatives but “ Mohale Walas” just to keep in circulation. Gifts which may or may not be useful to the couple, envelope containing money, garlands made up of currency are part of the whole wedding process. 

In marriages we start with the wrong food at least in typical North Indian Buffet, we start with chats, fruit salad (God knows whether the fruits witnessed anything known as water to wash) served by boys with full plastic gloves, aloo ji tikki, Gool Gappe…made with mineral water( but same dirty hands), Kachooris, Amritsari food ( every vegetable should be dripping with hot oil), espresso coffee, followed by MAIN COURSE ( as if one has many folds in the stomach to devour all these things!), followed by desserts…Jelebis, hot gulab jamuns to twenty or twenty five other sweets. Then to freeze all the oil and fat swallowed finally ICECREAM.

Marriage is supposed to be resting on the four strong pillars namely TRUST, TOUCH, TOGETHERNESS and TALK. As we attend all these functions do we have an obligation to make sure that the couples after all these tamashas live happily ever after as a couple bound in the holy matrimony? Do we ever look back and find out what happened to the marriage we attended two three years back? Do we have an obligation ??