PUBLIC BEHAVIOUR

Manners make man! I am sure every civilized person would agree to this. Manners, especially, public behavior of an individual means a lot. One thing, I enjoy the most is observing people in public, be it in an airport, railway station, hotel lobby, temples, party halls…. I can sit in a corner and keep observing people for hours together. 

You can learn a lot from these observations. Try sometime doing the same. You can find “loud mouths”, “all knowing souls”, “name droppers”,” flashy dynamos”, “empty vessels”, “foxes”,” late Latiffs”,” hurried hurricanes”, “ gate crashers”, “Slimy Snakes” what not !

Same way, whenever you attend a meeting be it in office, social gatherings, flat owner’s welfare association…. we find wonderful members who give a lot of chance for me to observe and enjoy my time in the meetings---garrulous non stoppers, perennial interrupters, “Tal-Pe-Tal” milane wale, “Chance pe dance” karnewale et. al. The meetings become lively, enjoyable and memorable only because of these great souls ! 

Having spent some time in Africa and South East Asia whenever I compare our social behavior with people from other countries, I find we as members of one of the oldest civilizations in the world need to learn a lot from other countries. We take things for granted. We are by nature very loud and vociferous. Sometimes we tend to be too aggressive and such a behavior is not appreciated by others. We always fail to draw a line between personal / private and social space. Thus everything comes out in the open.

Any overseas flight is an interesting experience by itself. I have had the experience of seeing flight crew of Thai airways commenting very badly on Indian passengers. There was a group of Doctors travelling from Bangalore to Pattaya (God knows what type of Scientific training/ conference/ refresher course the pharmaceutical company was arranging in Pattaya for those medicos !!). 

As soon as the doctors boarded the flight one gentle man (Rather Gentle Doctor!) commanded the air hostess to hand over the liquor and snacks tray to him to take care of his comrades. Snacks packets were thrown from one end of the flight to another end to pass on the same. You could imagine the commotion and cacophony the whole thing created. The air hostess gave up and was cursing her fate in Thai. This episode was from Bangalore and I always have the feeling that Kannadigas are one of the well behaved lots in India and by nature soft and polite people!

Another flight from Nairobi to Mumbai we had a fellow passenger who was travelling to Gujarat in Kenyan Airlines. As he was going to be in a dry state he wanted to have is full quota of liquor in less than six hour flight. Poor soul he forgot to note that he was in an aircraft, pressurized and cruising 6000 feet above the sea level. His liquor supply was stopped. Then he became aggressive and abusive. His flight attendant was repeatedly summoned by him and he was demanding a cigarette. He was bundled out by police personnel as soon as we landed in Mumbai airport.

I had two wonderful uncles. One was into some small time agriculture and had a nice well built body and personality. In case anyone asked him about his profession, the ready reply was always “whole sale business in precious stones”. One day when I confronted him, prompt came the reply, why should someone unknown fellow know that he was struggling to meet both ends by dry land farming !!

Another gentleman, whenever we attended any marriage (only when he was in the bridegroom’s side) he would make so much noise in the dining hall on the very first day, about some very trivial issue, the whole team of bride’s family would start shivering at the very sight of him. He would get the best attention, service and first degree coffee! We used to accompany him always as  we also had a nice time by very careful personalized attention and service.

In Thailand being an expatriate we were expected to visit the single window service office of immigration every year to stamp our passport. The ritual used to last two to three hours. We were always accompanied by someone from our administration department. The immigration office used to attract people from all over the world. We used to find Indians, Pakistanis, Chinese, Germans, Koreans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Danes, British, Americans and others. Since the stamping was mandatory for every member of the family everyone used to bring their children too. 

Japanese, Taiwanese and Korean families used to be busy reading some books. Every member of the family used to hold one book each and read. Chinese families busy with some cartoons in their hands. European kids used to have some computer games or cell phone games. Americans used to get involved in some small talk with other members nearby.

Indian and Pakistani kids used to be clinging to their parents. Nudging them to buy some snacks, soft drink and used to make a mess leaving left over snacks, wrappers, pouring soft drinks on the floor, which used to be repeatedly mopped by the janitor. If left unattended to they used to be running up and down in the aisle. 

When we were kids, before we visited any families/ neighbors my all demanding mother used to draw the rules of the game. No negotiation no violation was tolerated. Now when some families inform that they are visiting us as a precaution the fridge is locked first, some rooms are cordoned off, all art pieces up to four / five feet level are packed off. Because the parents feel proud in their “ one man demolition army” about whom we cannot complain to anyone. The children despite arranging some games and books for them to pass time keep coming and start complaining to the attention of parents or claim that they get bored. Thus the purpose of visit gets lost

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To sum up, we need to know how much decibel is tolerable. How much aggression is acceptable in any social interaction, how much intrusion into other’s matter is Ok and draw the line carefully! This is the only way we can develop meaningful social interaction. Especially when we visit or live abroad we should make the best impression!